Thursday, October 28

pain....

We laid down and discussed the future.. I shared my ideas, he joked about it! I was hurt, he did not try to be encouraging in any way...
I expressed my displeasure, said a few words, the tears rolled, tempers flared, then a slap!
I reeled in shock and confusion, my lover! I couldn't even look at him.. hurting tears flowed.
my joy now my pain..
No one understood! Voices echoed 'he's no good' 'how dare he hit you' 'leave him, that's how it starts'. I looked at them through tears, this is my baby, he couldnt  hurt a fly, he's harmless, he's not a violent person.
Sleep eluded. and I said a prayer to God, he assured me everything will be fine. I will be strong and face my fears. The woman in me is a fighter.

Wednesday, October 6

The bull..

I craved for it, I wanted it, needed it like air.
It came........searching.......willing.
I held back, hoping I don't give in.
My emotional walls were up strong and firm..
I was overwhelmed without forewarning,
My heart was willing to wait, my mind longed to be felt,
My Flesh wanted to be held and much more.
I gave in recklessly....... 'Sigh'
I smile now....I once loved a bull!!

Tuesday, October 5

change

I thought it was over. the lies haunted, life drained, no one cared. The pursuit of money and fame.
I turned to alcohol, addictions and raves. While I tell myself to be cautious, I know the damage will be irreparable.
Of course it ate deep, physically, emotionally, psychologically you name it. A large circle of ignoble friends....
The gossips surfaced, betrayals, envy, shattered friendships. Sadness and depression settled in......
Then acceptance, oh the bitterness was taken out on loved ones.
Reality struck! Oh what a squalor of mistakes.. Haunting and prude thoughts 'why did It get to this point'?
Perhaps a rebellious act on my part? A personality disorder?? What was it?
Well, acceptance, CHANGE, gratitude, faith, LOVE, contentment was all I needed..
I don't have a perfect life now, but am getting there!! I know how you feel juliet;)